Dispensary Worker Fired For Passing Drug Test

BOULDER, CO — Terry Bates, the newest employee at the Boulder cannabis dispensary, Higher Plains, was fired after only two weeks on the job for passing an employee-mandated drug test, the owners of the pot shop reported Thursday. “Terry was great with the staff and everyone here really liked her,” said George Albom, the dispensary’s owner. “But if she thinks she can work here and not be stoned all the time like her fellow coworkers, then this really isn’t the place for her. We have a brand to think about and our ‘For cannabis connoisseurs by cannabis connoisseurs’ slogan is essentially meaningless if we have someone who’s clear-headed and not high all the time.” While Albom can understand not wanting to sample the product while dealing with customers and counting change, he’s uncomfortable associating with someone who never gets stoned. “I mean, fine, if she wanted to get sober during her shift, that’s one thing, but the fact that she didn’t even get high on her own time is totally unacceptable. But you know, that’s why we give drug tests — to weed out people like that.” After her firing, Bates went and applied at the brewery down the street, even though she can’t tell the difference between a Belgium IPA and an East Coast IPA.