A Comprehensive Theory On Why Everything Sucks


  1. You order four burritos because, shit, it’s so cheap! Had you gone to a real Mexican restaurant with any kind of class or hope to pass a health inspection, you would have paid way more money for way less food. Damn this was a good idea. You scarf down all four burritos because they taste So. Damn. Good! The flavor reminds you of drinking 40s in the parking lot and singing songs off Dookie until the sun came up. You remember making out to the tune “Longview” and getting into a cute little fight with your high school lover because you forgot to order extra cheese on her nachos supreme. For a minute after crumpling up the last wrapper, the memories of youthful exuberance puts you on top of the entire world! This feeling lasts exactly one minute.

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