Chili-cheese Dog Magically Transforms Woman’s Hunger Pangs Into Profound Regret

HUNCHED OVER THE SIDEWALK — A recently acquired chili-cheese dog almost instantly transformed the hunger pains of Julie Moss into profound regret, the bloated, vaguely angry woman reported seconds after consuming the entire semi-foodstuff Tuesday afternoon. “I was so, so hungry after I got out of my morning meetings,” Moss said as she held her stomach and reached in her purse for an antacid tablet. “And since I was downtown, I went to the guy who has the hotdog cart on Market Street and got the works. What I failed to comprehend is that apparently ‘the works’ comes with a generous side of gastrointestinal distress and a buttload of remorse.” After vowing never again to patronize the hotdog man, Moss excused herself to vomit in a nearby trash can, which regulars of the cart refer to as the “purging bin.”