Used Cassette Deck Reveals Anthrax’s “I’m The Man” Has Not Held Up Well

GRAND JUNCTION, CO — After acquiring a tape deck at Good Will, one-time metal fan Darren Radcliffe soon discovered that Anthrax’s “I’m the Man” — the thrash-metal band’s 1987 rap pastiche — has not exactly stood the test of time. “I think I bought that tape from my friend Taylor in 1990 for three dollars,” said Radcliffe, who never purchased the album on CD or had the occasion to look it up on Youtube. “I remember thinking it was so cool because they had distorted guitars and said a lot of swear words. But then I put it on yesterday, and well, [sighs] it’s just objectively bad.” When Radcliffe first procured the cassette player for $8.99 at the thrift store, he was excited to dust off the old tapes that he had for some reason refused to get rid of. But then when he placed the first cartridge in the deck, his excitement deteriorated at a rapid rate. “I’m not sure why I kept all those tapes,” he said. “I guess I held onto them for nostalgic reasons, but after listening to [I’m the Man], I don’t know why I would have any nostalgia for something so moronic.” Before making it through half of the first side, he quickly stopped the tape and immediately looked up the Wikipedia entry on the album. “Apparently, that record sold over a million copies in the States alone,” said Radcliffe. “Jesus, the ‘80s were a weird time in America.” Quickly placing the tape aside, he picked up his copy of Mötley Crüe’s Girls Girls Girls and was similarly disappointed.