Toxic Little Man Has Caused 18 Workers To Quit Jobs Since Start Of Pandemic


EVANS, GA — The willfully abusive behavior of Augusta-area claims adjuster and toxic little man, Jerry 

Wilkes, has been directly responsible for causing the resignations of a full 18 essential and non-essential 

workers since the pandemic began, sources confirmed last Friday. “Look, the lib-tards and Hollywood Elite 

can take their ‘plandemic’ and shove it up their asses, as far as I’m concerned,” said a wide-eyed Wilkes, 

who along with a trail of job resignations is also solely at fault for breaking up at least five of his friends’ 

and families’ marriages, along with three of his own. “If some pissant who’s making $10 an hour at the 

Publix thinks she can get me to wear a mask, you better believe I’m going to yell at her, her manager, 

and the security guard until at least one of ‘em cries.” Since COVID began making headlines in early 

2020, the self-proclaimed “pro-freedom warrior” has let every paid employee he encounters know that 

he refuses to self-isolate, social distance, wear a mask, or tip more than 5%, if he tips at all. And while 

Wikes takes pride in the results of his actions, others feel he shouldn’t get too much credit. “Oh yeah, 

that angry little guy with the camo hat and all the Confederate Flag bumper stickers on his truck is a 

huge jerk for sure,” said former Grovetown Ace cashier Sheila Wolverton, who left her job shortly after 

Wilkes visited the store and coughed in her face in late August of this year. “But I mean, I didn’t quit 

because of him alone. We had to deal with way bigger jerks, like that guy who spit in our GM’s ear 

canal for telling him to stay behind the plastic divider.” At press time, Wilkes announced his plans to 

visit the Waffle House and lecture the server, busboy, and whoever else happens to be in shouting 

distance about the connection between 5G and vaccine mandates — after which he will leave a 57 

cent tip.