Snowboarders' Concussions May Lead To Difficulties Doing Gnarly Ass Shit Later In Life

VALHALLA, NY — In a case study of 235 former professional snowboarders, researchers found strong evidence linking concussions to extreme difficulties doing gnarly ass shit later in life, according to the study’s author and Professor of Neurology at New York Medical College James Sanderson. “We’ve found that repetitive head trauma experienced by these extreme athletes during their careers caused once totally sick-as-fuck shedders to become dull-ass brain-deads who can barely make the the sign of the horns with their pointer and pinkie fingers—much less cruise the pow with steeze like they did in their youth,” said Sanderson. “Many of these boarders made a 20-year lifestyle out of doing sick as hell tricks in one form or another. And although they all knew they’d be uncool in their 40s, they didn’t know how tragically uncool they would actually end up.” Added Sanderson: “For example, if you led some of these aged bros to the badest-ass kicker in all Tahoe, it wouldn’t even occur to them that they could be rodeo flipping to the fucking moon. Rather, they would just stare at the jump with vacant eyes in a most ungnarly fashion. It’s patheticville, really.” The professor then went on to stress the importance for people under the age of 20 using protective headgear in order to safeguard their gnar-potential for years to come.