Wendy’s New Meatless Chicken Nuggets Just An Empty Box

DUBLIN, OH — In an effort to compete with Burger King’s new Impossible Whopper, Wendy’s unenthusiastically announced Wednesday that the restaurant chain will roll out its own meat-free version of its popular chicken nuggets, or “ghost nuggets,” since the item is essentially just an empty box. “Apparently meat isn’t good enough for you people anymore,” said chief marketing officer, Gregory Polansky, who seemed visibly annoyed at the press conference. “So here, have a box of vegetarian nuggets. They’re cruelty-free and organic and free-range all the other buzzwords that everyone is throwing around these days.” Although the company is initially launching the ghost nuggets in five restaurants in West Los Angeles, it plans to extend them to every location across the country if it goes smoothly. “Oh yeah, if this goes well, people all over will be able to get a veggie box,” Polansky said. “I’m sure they’ll be lining up around the block.” Polansky went on to state that vegans and vegetarians can order the ghost nuggets “along with our other meat-free options, like the tasty Dressing-free Iceberg Lettuce, Still-frozen French Fries, or Ghost Burger,” which is a bun that comes with a couple of ketchup packets.