All in Genuine Imitation News
“I suppose it would be like watching Michael Cera doing a Henry Rollins impression. It’s just so out of character, you have no choice but to smile.”
“I’ve just paid so many dues,” said Currie.
“I was actually being nice to the customers and my coworkers,” he said. “I was like, ‘What the fuck is happening to me?’”
“They all got divorced almost to the month ten years later. Although they’d probably be hard pressed to see the humor in the situation, it is pretty funny.”
While he admitted that he does have fun “here and there,” the grand majority of his life consists of doing normal things like working, cleaning up after himself, and watching Netflix.
“It’s just a bagel. Who gives a shit?”
Once she took a deep breath and composed herself, she added: “From here on out it’s just puppies.”
Sitting down on the warm seat immediately conjured up mental images of the man’s bare buttocks pressing down on the toilet with all his weight, forcing you to ask yourself uncomfortable — and ultimately unanswerable — questions about his personal hygiene.
“A lot of People have never been keen on the idea of not being dipshits,” said sociologist Dean Newcomb, author of Where’d All These Dipshits Come From? A Journey Into The Mass Dipshittery That Plagues Nations.
After deliberately trying to avoid looking at the display on the elliptical machine, Patricia Westerberg’s momentary glimpse at the digital counter revealed that her 30 minute workout was not even halfway over.
“Well, my parents are dead, and it’s only a matter of time before it happens to you.”
“Oh thank god this is nonsense is ending.”
“But it is me,” he said in this moment of clarity. “It’s been me the whole time.”
After waking his owner at 3:47 a.m., Lenny the Beagle’s sleeping location was promptly downgraded with prejudice from his owner’s bed to the den.