“Quit Being A Dipshit” Challenge Once Again Fails To Go Viral
According to distinguished academics, cultural commentators, and basically anyone with a brain that’s been paying attention to just how socially acceptable being a fucking idiot has become, the “quit being a dipshit” challenge has once again failed to gain any traction among humans for yet another year, according to a report released by the East Coast Journal Of Intelligence.
“A lot of People have never been keen on the idea of not being dipshits,” said sociologist Dean Newcomb, author of Where’d All These Dipshits Come From? A Journey Into The Mass Dipshittery That Plagues Nations. “From the growing popular suspicion of anyone who uses multisyllabic words, to the election of the current U.S. president, people are just out there being these huge dipshits and thinking it’s a totally appropriate way to act.
“And why not?” added Newcomb. “Because when all is said and done, they are dipshits. They come from dipshit families. And all their friends are dipshits. If they stopped being dipshits, the’d have no one to say dipshit things to. And no one would say dipshit things back. It’d be real lonely for these dipshit individuals.”
Mason Rivera, cultural critic and author of How To Smart Up When Everyone Else Is Dumbing Down, agreed with Newcomb, claiming that a sort of pro-dipshit hysteria creeps into mainstream consciousness more and more on a seemingly daily basis.
“It hurts my brain to see these dipshits turning their dipshit ways into grand dipshit lifestyles,” said Rivera. “You’ve seen these people online. Just yesterday I read about the ‘Bird Box’ challenge where people are blindfolding themselves and driving so they can be like characters in a fictional program. Forgive me, but that’s some objective, gold star dipshitting right there. How did these dipshits figure out how to leave the house?”
While agreement about the failure of the “quit being a dipshit” challenge was clear among intelligentsia and dipshits alike, the two camps diverged on whether or not it constituted a obstacle for humanity.
“Listen, I’m no dipshit, but even if I was, so what?” said local dipshit Dennis Floyd. “It’s better than being some intellectual who has to read a bunch of books before he knows what to think.”
Floyd then resumed watching a flat earth documentary on YouTube and refused to answer any more questions “from the fake news media.”
Since mass acceptance of any true self-betterment program may never be realized, the majority of the earth’s humans can rest assured that they will probably endure a hundred more idiotic viral challenges — some that may actually kill or badly maim them — long before they hear about the “quit being a dipshit” challenge again. And for Dennis Floyd and others like him, that’s just the dipshit way.