Guy You Didn’t Personally Invite To Your Party Is Currently Purchasing The Egg McMuffin That Will Clog Your Toilet Later This Evening
SOUTHBERG, WT — Greg Sandberg, a man whose name at this moment is still unbeknownst to you, is currently purchasing the Egg McMuffin breakfast sandwich that will clog your toilet during your party later this evening — even though you never personally invited him. “I like Egg McMuffins,” says Sandberg, who greedily grabs the bag containing his order from the cashier. The man, a stranger really, clutches the greasy sack of fast food to his chest as he staggers to his car where he consumes the fatty, sodium-laden puck in four bites, scarcely chewing before swallowing madly. “Harmmm [smack] mmmrrrrh [gulp]. Oh that’s good. Harrrmmmm gurrrummmp, [single chew], [gulp],” adds Sandberg. The sandwich will lodge itself in the man’s lower intestines until it is pushed out this evening by the hors d’oeuvres you will spend hours preparing this afternoon. “I like Egg McMuffins,” Sandberg says again as he wipes the grease from his hands on his filthy socks so he can check the text message inviting him to the party that a friend of your co-worker is sending him now.
[Pictured: you will be plunging the foodstuffs that used to be in this bag out of your toilet later tonight.]