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Machiavellian Schemes and Bold Accusations Erupt Over Which Visiting Sibling Gets Guest Room at Mom's House During the Holidays

Machiavellian Schemes and Bold Accusations Erupt Over Which Visiting Sibling Gets Guest Room at Mom's House During the Holidays

SUBURBS — A mere weeks before all three Powell children were scheduled to arrive at their mother’s house for Christmas, Machiavellian schemes and bold accusations erupted over which of them gets to take up temporary residence in the guest room, sources reported.

“Ted got it last year,” said Bradley, the youngest of the Powell clan. “And he can go fuck himself if he thinks I’m going to sleep on that lumpy-ass couch another year.”

Terra, the middle and only female sibling agreed with her brother’s assessment, even going so far as to broadcast her brothers’ past behavior in an attempt to invalidate their qualifications for the coveted guest room.

“First of all, I’m the one who deserves the guest room,” she stated. “Ted doesn’t even like mom — last year at Christmas he got drunk and said so after she went to bed. And Bradley, he’s still in his 20s, so his back is strong enough to withstand a couple nights on the couch. All I have to say is I am not sleeping on that shitty air mattress again.”

According to his siblings, Ted, the eldest Powell child, has claimed the room ever single Christmas since the divorce to their father was finalized six years ago, often utilizing unscrupulous methods to achieve his end.

“He sends mom flowers or chocolates every single day in December,” said Bradley. “Then he calls her and tells her how much he loves her. It’s so transparent. If mom wasn’t so blinded by her desperate need for affection, she’d probably wonder why he never calls in June.”

Terra agreed, adding: “It’s sneaky, what Ted does. And it’s much more effective than the Advent calendar I send her every year.”

At press time, the Powell matriarch sat at her kitchen table, eating chocolate from her calendar and admiring her recently delivered flowers. “I can’t wait until all my children are under one roof again,” she said. “It’s so wonderful to have them all talking and laughing with each other just like the old days.”


Librarian In Charge Of Whiteboard Must Be Reading Nietzsche Or Something

Librarian In Charge Of Whiteboard Must Be Reading Nietzsche Or Something

Promoter Needs Band To Load In At Noon For 9 p.m. Start Time

Promoter Needs Band To Load In At Noon For 9 p.m. Start Time