YR Posse.jpg

The Yellow Rake Will Save Your Life. The Yellow Rake Will Kill You.

Man Obsessed With Cleanliness Washes His Hands Twice A Week Whether They Need It Or Not

Man Obsessed With Cleanliness Washes His Hands Twice A Week Whether They Need It Or Not

WEST EASTERNTON, TW — Weston Quincy’s cleanliness is next to Godliness. Without fail, he is a man who makes it a point to wash his hands not just once in a seven day period, but twice — even if they’re not dirty. “Mondays and Fridays,” he says as he displays the immaculate extremities, “those are my hand-washing days.” Expounding upon his method of keeping such unspoiled hands, he explains, “Monday to start the week off right, and Friday to start the weekend.”

As long he can remember, Quincy has always been proactive when it came to personal hygiene, often bathing himself without any prodding from his parents. “Most young boys don’t like to take showers,” he says. “But I remember taking showers three or four times a month from when I was like 12 years old. My parents must have been like, ‘How did we luck out with such a squeaky clean little boy?’ So as you can see, my bathing habits go way back.”

With such a fastidious hand-cleansing routine, Quincy admits that at times it can be difficult not judging others who are less concerned about their hygiene. “I know there are people out there who only wash their hands once a week. Can you believe that? That’s only doing half the job. Whenever I see that, it’s like, ‘Who raises these monsters?’”

Conversely, he is also aware of others who wash their hands much more frequently and consider his two-a-week habit to be far from adequate. “Yeah, I’ve heard of people who wash their hands every day, which is just so bizarre. First of all, that’s basically waterboarding for your hands. It’s torture, straight-up. Second, who has the time? It’s like, get a life, you crazy ass, hand-scouring motherfuckers.”

As if to further demonstrate his bathing prowess, Quincy then excused himself to the bathroom so he could take his tri-monthly shower.

[Pictured: Quincy’s hands post-bi-weekly cleansing]


A Thoughtful Estimation On Precisely How Many Fucks I Give In Various Situations

A Thoughtful Estimation On Precisely How Many Fucks I Give In Various Situations

Humble Up

Humble Up