Large, Foul-Smelling Spot On Towel Completely Negates Entire Shower
CASTLEVILLE, CA — After her shower yesterday morning, Crystal Boon vigorously rubbed a towel with a large, foul-smelling spot across her entire body, thus negating her entire bathing experience. “I didn’t think to smell-test the towel, because I had just pulled it out of the closet, like, two days ago,” Boone said. “But, Jesus, I wish I would have given it at least a whiff.” The spot — no larger than a flattened out red plastic eggs-worth of Silly Putty — caused her entire torso to emit a stench so odious, she had no choice but to discount the shower that had concluded only seconds prior and prepare to take a whole new one. But before she turned the water on, she headed back to the linen closet. “Of course I went and got a new towel,” she said. “I smelled the hell out of that one, too, because I didn’t want to have to take a third shower.” According to Boone, the second shower went much better, and after briefly contemplating whether to cut out the spot of the infected towel and send it to a shitty ex-boyfriend or Focus on the Family or something, she resolved instead to fling it in the hamper and quickly close the lid.